FORGIVENESS & MISCONCEPTIONS
The reason usually given by people who find it hard to forgive is: "If I forgave (so-and-so) for doing (such-and-such), that would mean I was condoning his behavior."
Is forgiving "condoning"?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the English word condone as follows: "to forgive or condone (something wrong); to allow (something wrong) to continue."
This is where the dictionary goes wrong by equating "forgive" with "approve". By freeing ourselves from our emotional attachment to the past, we free ourselves from the suffering associated with it, thus becoming free to live the present and future with fresh eyes. That's why I say that to forgive is "to give love and freedom”.
Leonard Laskow
Forgiveness means letting go of all attachments to the past, for your own growth and evolution
Excerpt from the book: For Giving Love
True forgiveness offers a subtle yet key distinction between accepting that something happened ... and accepting that something should have happened. It happened, and there is no way to make it “un-happen.” The ultimate focus of forgiveness extends beyond accepting what happened to releasing identification with the past. Through the release of emotional past attachment, we release ourselves from the pain in the past and free ourselves to experience the present and future anew. That’s why I say forgiving is “for giving love, and for giving freedom.”
With the bacteria in the laboratory, I unconditionally accepted their existence yet sought to change their behavior (i.e., growth rate). When we forgive an individual, we allow their right to “be”; we don’t condone their right to “do” what we have deemed wrongful and hurtful.
Forgiveness is about letting go
Excerpt from the book: For Giving Love
Forgiveness is about letting go. Letting go of what? It is about releasing attachment to the past, and attachment to resentments, grudges and anger. It’s letting go of attachment to judgment, blame, shame, guilt, suffering and loss, victim-victimizer perspective, and especially identifying with the story. It’s letting go of the story of abandonment, betrayal, loss, and the need to control through continued judgment and anger.
Fundamentally, forgiveness is letting go of the charge around the memory so that upon recalling what happened in the past, there is no longer an emotional reaction, just the memory. Now you are free — free to love and free to be.
Forgiving heals the separation from your inner light — your loving presence — by dissolving the veils of conditioned perception and belief. When you release the identification with the story, when you release the illusion that who you are is the story with its experiences and memories, when you really release the illusion, what remains is love.
